Listen to me, part three
How would you feel?
You’ve had yet another conversation with your Mum over the phone. She’s a Christian; you’re still fighting! Little do you realise that Christ is going to start digging into your soul this very night. Little do you realise He’s going to start sorting you out. Little do you know that your cold, dead heart is going to begin living again.
Little do you know…
Mum read me something out of Matthew’s Gospel. I wish with all of my heart I could remember what she’d read. It might have been significant! The Lord, however, had something on His mind that would not wait any longer. You know when you get an itch to do something? It just will not go away, but whatever you need to do to scratch that itch just has to be done. It’s either a phone call you need to make; a visit to someone; an apology, or something you need to do for work or to help someone you know. Or to be drawn to read a Scripture Christ has set before you. Whatever it is, you need to scratch that itch.
You remember it says that there’s rejoicing in Heaven over one sinner who repents? Well, the Lord must have said to all the angels something like: “Watch this!”. And Heaven could have heard a pin drop.
“Nah. Come ON, Lord! You KNOW you won’t get that one to hear You.” Then someone else pipes up: “Hang on, Lord. How are You going to make that happen? She’s been fighting You for years.”
Satan pipes up: “Hah! I’d like to see You try it!”
God isn’t fazed, folks. He’s strong. He can do anything. Haven’t you heard? Nothing is too hard for the Lord. Just read what happened to Abraham and Sarah! Was there anything too hard for Him then? No. They had a son, and that was the beginning of the promise God made to Abraham when He blessed him. And don’t even THINK of forgetting Melchizedek! He met with Abraham and Abraham promised him a tithe of all he had. Read it. It’s fascinating 😀 All in Genesis. No. You find it! It’s in Genesis, all right?
So anyway, night time arrived. It’s October in England. I now no longer consider my birthday as the day I was born as I have a new date: October 17th when our Saviour grabbed me by the scruff of my rebellious neck and drew me to Him and His truth. He did it slowly and with great care as He knew what had happened to me over my lifetime. To have that much evil done against a person for so long can brutalise you until you go cold and actually have no emotions. You just don’t care any more. I was so dead inside that I even had to ask for my tears to be returned to me. I’m still not a crier. It’s very, very difficult to get me crying. I act like a bloke, quite honestly. Someone who lives by: ‘Tears show you are weak. Be strong. DO NOT CRY.’
Honestly. We treat tears as a great evil. I did it for a good 30 years. I stopped feeling anything. I switched off all natural emotion. Oh, I could laugh and have a wind-up. I could get angry and feel great hatred, but I could not, WOULD NOT, cry.
So the Lord had to do something about it. And boy, did He make me squirm. Dear oh dear. And man, was it painful. Physically. Spiritually. All of it. I suffered. Was He angry with me? Probably! How do I know? I haven’t been told one way or the other yet. In recent weeks, while Christ was working on my deliverance, he showed me a lot of stuff, and told me to read Exodus where Moses and Aaron were called to deliver Israel. Go ahead. You read it too. And Job. Read Job! Really. It’ll draw all this together for you as it did for me.
Read how Christ healed people and how He did it. But take in the fact that each person SUFFERED for various amounts of time before they were instantly healed. Take notice of the time each person suffered. That’s what we need to remember. Before deliverance comes, there is a time of suffering. That is how we begin to understand trials. There is a time to suffer and a time to be delivered from suffering. We live in a space called Time. The Lord lives in a space called Eternity. He speaks, it happens. That’s how the world was made, and everything in it. We pray, and we can pray for ages. Years. We see no evidence our prayer has been heard. It’s because we live in Time. We cannot speak and see things happen because we are mortal, not eternal. It matters and it helps us deal with that thing called faith!
We must have faith to believe in everything! In the Lord’s love; grace; patience; in His healing; deliverance; in his Help. We have to trust Him to be that strong tower we run into to be made safe. We just have to believe in it folks.
We just have to believe.
So why, when I believed, after He grabbed me by the scruff of my rebellious neck, did I not even get a chance to prepare for my trial and great suffering? Why was I left to learn as I went, and to make dreadful, horrible mistakes? Why was I left to believe I was under His wrath? I could make guesses, but that wouldn’t help any of us. All I do know is that He has His ways, I have mine, and none of them match His greatness. I am still His, He is still mine. I am not overthrown, and I don’t know why He bothers with me. I truly don’t. But without Him, there would have been no point to any of the trial, which started with me getting very sick while I had to care for my husband, all alone when he got very sick. I was the one left to feel like a kicked dog every day.
I was the one who ended up saying to God, “Why must I live like this? If I’m a dead dog; bury me. Don’t keep kicking me. There’s no sense in it.”
That’s how hurt I became. I did hurt, and now am very close to tears. My God, My God. What are You doing? Is there someone else who needs comforting? Here I am. Use me.