That’s what I thought about comfort.
Love? What’s THAT?
Hope? DO me a favour!
Yes, all who come to Christ may go through these feelings. Hmmm. Feelings… I might get back to that later, if I remember. Thing is, I’ve been reading a few things which sparked this off. F’rinstance: this page, and this one.
After chatting with Mum earlier today, during our talk, I realised a lot of stuff. Then, I know: I was having revealed to me some of what the Lord has been doing.
I’ve made BIG complaints about not getting any help with my husband.
BIG mistake. See, the other day, I was led to read a testimony about someone with cancer and the care they were getting. I was told about this wonderful healthcare team; family; friends – the whole 9 yards, (as me mates in America would say). 🙂 The care team were being praised to the heavens. Thing was, I asked the Lord: “Where’s Your glory and praise, in all of this?” Christians should praise God, too, shouldn’t they? If I find that page, I’ll have to read it again. Anyway…
I was glad this person was GETTING the care. Don’t ever forget: during the time of His ministry, the Lord provided a doctor. Luke was a doctor, wasn’t he.
Locally, we have a surgery. There are doctors there. The one who was trying to put care in place for me finally left. I think they have a bit of a quick turnover there. People don’t tend to stay very long. Perhaps they’re as fed up with getting complaints as some of us are of making them.
Anyway. Let me take you back five years. There I was, watching my husband sink down into his illness, and I was also ill.
I should have died.
I said to Mum today that while I was going through that, because I wasn’t given any help, even though I went to be checked over in hospital, if I HAD died; I would now be in hell. I wouldn’t be here writing to you people. I would now be in hell.
During that time of sickness, when I was told to go and get my own medicine from the local town, I couldn’t do it. I was too ill and, because of my bone condition at the same time, I had to use a wheelchair to get about.
I was far too ill to make the journey to do anything for at least the next three weeks. It was only February 2010. In December 2009, my sickness started. (So, I thank God that in October 2009, He saved me.) Again, because of my bone condition, I thought the pain I was having (excruciating pain in my chest) was to do with my bones.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. I had begun an internal ulcer. All right – ENOUGH dramatics. You ain’t getting the whole of that as some of you might be a bit squeamish, and I couldn’t do it to you. What I will say is that as I cried out daily for God to fix me – the reason I used was so that I could stay alive to care for my husband.
A few weeks later, I was eating again. For the first two weeks of this, maybe, even three, I couldn’t take solids OR liquids. Every time I tried…no, I said I wouldn’t DO that!
You know, when things like this happen to someone, they would be carted off to hospital, quick march, and on a drip they would go.
To get a bit of intravenous nourishment.
That’s how drastic things were, folks. But I wasn’t getting that care. I was in and out of bed, crying out to God for help.
As time went by, He slowly, slowly, slowly allowed me to take a mouthful or two of soft food. Drinks were cold water only. And that all went on for a season.
After a little more time, I was allowed to take a little more food! That was lovely as it was still wintertime, and FLIPPIN’ FREEZING!
Still only drinking cold water, but by now, at least, I could, slowly, drink it.
RESULT! My prayers and cries were being mercifully attended to.
It weren’t half nice when I was allowed to take some pineapple juice for a change. I love the stuff. It had pulled me through something else, years before this and I knew it would do me good this time.
Course, I asked the Lord if I might! He never complained, just let me get on with whatever I could eat and drink at the time. But I still had a case of the “Oh, poor me’s”, as I really fancied something warmer to drink! Solution? Fruit tea. Ah, that was a beautiful addition. I hadn’t dared try a hot drink yet, but it was a little further on in the health challenge, I was slowly getting better, and tea was finally allowed. Things went from there to better and better until I was reasonably back to normal. The pain never left me for months on end, until, one day, either I was so used to it, or it really wasn’t there that it gave me no more trouble. There were still other issues which went on for months on end, but, I was, largely better and fully functioning again. I did eventually get that trip to town and was delighted to be able, finally, to indulge in some fresh air!
I must have lost quite a bit of weight during that lot as the chair was loads easier to haul around.
So who was my doctor? Not Luke. Not anyone here. It was Christ. He did it all. He gets all the glory.
Then, after all that, He started again with another issue. I was having my morning ablutions and I heard a voice saying: “You will walk today.”
Its a bit like waking up, but you ain’t AWAKE yet!
“You will walk today”.
“Whaddaya mean, Lord: I will walk today? Ya mean, I should stick my knee support on and go for it?” Then I thought, Oh JEN! Don’t be STUpid. That ain’t faith! He’s just told you to walk. You’ve got to go out so get up and walk.
Well, shiver me timbers if I didn’t go and do just that. When I got back home, I told Mum.
“Mum. You’ll NEVER believe this, but I’m back on my feet.”
Mum! I’m WALKING AGAIN!”
“You mean, you’re out of the wheelchair?”
“Yeah. I went to the shop. Took me stick, but it was such a nuisance to me that I folded it up and put it in me bag. I’m walking, Mum. I’m walking!”
With spondylitis; not only do we get a damaged spine, but one of our legs goes with it. I was in such pain for almost two years that I bought a wheelchair to get about. I’m thinking, by the time this happened; the Lord (obviously!) knew I would need my legs working to help me care for my husband. He wasn’t wrong, there. I have needed them, because, again, I’ve had to carry all the physical care alone. Six years later, it would have been a BIT MUCH if I couldn’t walk. God help us carers, I have seen someone posting about their situation, and that’s exactly what they have to deal with. This person is in the poor condition of having to use a chair to get around the house, never mind, going out, and the poor dear soul can’t even pick up things off the floor. Then, she has to care for a dementia sufferer.
My God! That’s hard. It doesn’t even bear imagining.
He’s saved me from that, folks.
In all this time – there I’ve been, whinging and nagging about my situation. Today, I look back and have told you a very small part of how merciful the Lord has been.
No healthcare. Just Christ and me pulling together. Oh yeah. You BET I’ve had depression. If you’ve never lived with dementia, I truly wouldn’t recommend it. It’s extremely hard work. Not only physically, but mentally, too, for those of us caring for it. But all the same, how DARE I say I’ve had to do it alone?
God, forgive me.
I’m sure there’ll be more to this. In the meantime, you’ll notice, a page or two back that Christ returned to me the joy of my salvation. See, that’s where it all begins. He saves us from His wrath…
Don’t be too surprised if sometimes, He has to save us from ourselves.
Glory to God in the Highest Heaven.