I think I’m starting to get the picture

1 Peter 2

For a long time, I’ve wondered about many things. Like, why are my family so divided? The answer to that isn’t kind; it’s hard. Jesus spoke of a house being divided. He told His hearers that it would fall.

Cold, hard truth.

That was when there was an uproar about one of Christ’s miracles. One of the religious leaders shouted that He’d done the miracle under the power of Beelzebub. Jesus wasn’t having any of that, and shot this message back, that there is a sin which can never be forgiven…

Read Matthew 12:22-37.

In my own household, there is also division.

I had yet another evil day, yesterday, in a five-year-long stretch of them. It always begins when I cry for help. I cry out for help, and, far from the power of God, I always get a heap of evil thrown my way.

Every. Single. Time.

And I’m getting worn out. I’ve often got to the point where I know I won’t survive this life, spiritually. Because I just can’t handle it. This is where I am again, today.

There’s a warning in Scripture about those who say they are Christians, but have no power, and the believers are told to turn away from them.

Serious stuff. And which one am I, in those first five verses of 2 Timothy 3?

I must match some of that, or I wouldn’t have been left like this.

Because I know that God is in control of everything, then He controls what happens to my family. Prayer has been going up for at least three decades for us all. NOBODY is interested in Christ, even after all this time. And the terrifying thing is that no one can come to Jesus unless His Father draws them. (John 6:44).

I was drawn, just over five years ago. But I have no idea why. I struggle with the fate of those I love and care about, and I struggle in case I’m a false believer. It doesn’t matter that I love sharing and reading Scripture. None of that matters. It matters that I LIVE like a believer.

But, for the past five years, and going into my sixth, I’m no bloomin’ good at it. Time after time, yet again, yesterday, one bad thing followed the next and it lasted all day. Again. And I reacted to it all. Again.

And the reactions were BAD. AGAIN.

That has been the main feature the whole of this time. My bad reactions. Well, we all know what Scripture says about that, in various places. James 1:21; Revelation 21:27; 1 John 3:4-6, and so on. There are so many Scriptures in this vein. Again, I’m drawn back to 1 Peter 2. From the very beginning, those Scriptures tell us to get rid of everything evil.

Again, it’s like I’ve been thrown back in a hole. Being alone sucks! You literally have no one to talk to, or to share things and pray with. It’s dangerous. But, because of the ongoing situation, I’m forced to wonder if I’ve been cut out of life because I might contaminate others? We all know the Scripture says bad morals corrupt good character. 1 Corinthians 15:33.

Because the disease the person I care for is a brain disease; there is now no chance to speak Scripture into his life and show Christ to him. And the things that come out of this person’s mouth are terrible.

I’m living with that, daily. And I’m making a complete mess of everything else. Bad morals corrupt good character.

So many people have said: “Oh, I’ll PRAY for you.” Well, folks. Things are still as bad as they ever were. And I’m in a hole, with no way out of it. My life does not reflect what Christianity is all about. There’s no power. There’s no Godliness. Things are just not working out, even though many, many pastors tell you that God spares all who come to Him. And I’m not talking about tele-evangelists, either.

I watch the likes of Charles Leiter; Paul Washer; Tim Conway, and so on. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

For a long time, I’ve been working through issues, and been left wondering whether I’m Scripturally watching my own destruction. It’s dangerous and frightening, where I am, at the moment. I get no comfort from belief, because James 1 reminds us: You believe? Good for you! The demons also believe…

And they tremble. James 2:19.

I don’t want to stand before Christ, after all this, and have Him cast me out. I want Him. But I’m no good at being alone with this any more.

One more Scripture which threw me, a long time ago was one out of Deuteronomy 28. The verses are 28 and 29. I thank God Almighty that I HAVE NOT been struck with madness. But I am living with it, and not coping, spiritually. The bit which, in some translations reads: “And there will be no one to HELP you” ring very, very clear. Now I know this set of Scriptures was written to those living under the Law; but it looks like the same thing is working all over again, in my time. That’s exactly what life is like.

How do other people, caring for someone with something like Alzheimers keep good faith? How am I going to stand before Christ without shame, on that Day, when I finally meet Him?

I’m sorry to have to write like this. It’s been coming for a long, long time. I’ve tentatively said, in past blogs that I’d start writing about this. With everything I’ve grown up and grown old with, I could do with a bit of Scriptural advice.

I REFUSE to turn away from the Giver of Life. That, I DO know. If there’s anyone out there who could spare a minute or two to rally around me, I’d appreciate it.

Oh God. I’m asking for help again. What will happen THIS  time! The sky outside looks like it’s ready to drop. Folks, in all of this, I do still find time for laughter. But I’m getting sick of my bad moves. So I started writing…

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About tellthetruth1

The blog site is up and running. Please feel free to visit if you want to know the Lord. I treasure His Scriptures and pray you do, also. I've been a Christian since October 2009. The Lord saved me that month and has led me through many things in life. The one thing I adore Him for is bringing me the Light of Salvation and for forgiving me my wickedness.
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8 Responses to I think I’m starting to get the picture

  1. My dear friend. Because it appears that you are in a state of depression you are writing like this. What you are saying is not what Scripture teaches. He does love you but that doesn’t mean necessarily that your circumstances will change. I have been reading on people like yourself dealing with spouses with mental problems and it can get so terrible for them. You must find some help somewhere. I’m here if you wish to talk. You can email me as well at levicattle@yahoo.com. Lord bless you!!

  2. tellthetruth1 says:

    One of those pastors I’ve listed said that God sent things like Alzheimers as a judgement. In my case, Levi, the judgement only falls on me, as I am the only one who has access to the truth.

    By that, I mean that I have been left power to reason. That is intact. So therefore, I am the one left to struggle with all the spiritual junk.

    I don’t know if you’ve ever seen dementia, Levi. It isn’t what the news depicts: some poor old woman or maan who slips into a world of their own. You’ve only to read a site known as Talking Point, run the the Alzheimers Society (UK) to find out exactly what we are all dealing with. Old, sick people, left to care for older, sicker people. I think I’ve mentioned that elsewhere.

    If I was to go on that website and tell them exactly what happened to me when I called for help, every single time – nobody would believe it.

    Deuteronomy 28: “There will be no one to help you”.

    Dementia means denial, on behalf of the sufferer. They will not acknowledge their condition. So no one will acknowledge their need for help. Ever.

    If it was a stroke, or, God help us! a cancer of some kind, heart attack, broken leg, then those who are able would swarm around you, getting their hands dirty. But because it’s dementia, everyone, and I mean everyone, those who call themselves Christian as well, run far away.

    Two believers know our situation, Levi. We never even get a phone call. “There will be no one to help you”.

    So who is actually being judged? I’m the only one capable of taking the blows. And knowing why they come. Being alone sucks! I’m even left to struggle with Scripture to lead me either forward, or backward. And you know what? It ain’t getting any better 😦 No wonder I’m sickening.

  3. I am so sorry to hear of your condition and what youre going through. I only wish i were closer to you because i would help you. Is it out of the question for you to have a caretaker sit with him periodically?

  4. Sorry i hit the wrong button on the last one. If he is bad enough can he be kept in a nursing type home?

  5. tellthetruth1 says:

    Those who are able to fund that, do, but with great regret. Those who are not able…fill in the blanks! The poor man is at the stage where he doesn’t recognise his own home. Friday and Saturday, I had to deal with that. All quiet today, which I have to take as a brief respite.

    You know what? I’m sitting here after the last hard rain, and it’s eerily silent. Not even a bird…oh ‘ang on, I just heard one!

  6. paulfg says:

    http://www.facebook.com/DementiaFiles – how you write is how everyone writes. How they share and support is …

  7. tellthetruth1 says:

    Paul, what’s the rest of that statement? Thanks, so much. I did check the link. I no longer use Facebook.

    Latest: he wants to know about some background music he can hear. That also happened yesterday.

    And how does a pastor get to saying this is a judgement from God? I was absolutely furious when I first heard that, Paul. He can’t be judging the one I care for. He’s not capable of knowing that, or doing anything about it. Like I said earlier. I am the only one left to judge.

    If that’s right, for crying out loud, what have I done?

  8. tellthetruth1 says:

    There is also: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forum.php

    where a lot of us hibernate!

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